so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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