Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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