I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
