i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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