Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
