You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
