This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
zippers are such a cool invention
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is the high leading the old right now
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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