Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
