mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
