She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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