Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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