whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
