i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
worst night to have a conscience
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
