Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
