you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
