She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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