i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
