im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
