i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
