Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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