Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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