I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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