I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
