What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
