It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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