You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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