Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
