All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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