I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
