i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
