Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
