I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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