Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
