I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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