David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize