i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
