carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
