My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
