piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
