I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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