she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
