Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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