I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
