I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
