My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
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well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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