we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
