Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
