Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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