I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
