My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i love accidental penises.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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