i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize