I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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