This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
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