I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
