Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
