I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
