she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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