When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize