yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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