oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
