You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
