He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
