So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
