is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am available for nakedness
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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