Kiss
Puke
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
