so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
