I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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