I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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