college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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