I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
