if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
