I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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