nut hugger
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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