I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
