I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
