people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
