she woke up with a sticky ear
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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