hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
