You can't motorboat a personality
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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